I wanted to touch on a subject that, as writers, affects us all.
LIFE.
First, as humans, we often are compelled to do what we like. That’s our prerogative. As writers though, our preferences usually border on obssession. As “published” authors, with the deadlines, the promoting, and the required socializing, all of the above merges together into something akin to insanity.
To add to the ever-expanding list of ‘published author’ must-do’s, most of us have families and the evil day job to contend. We can feel overwhelmed quite easily and quite often, and when life sets out to interfere with our plans and our agendas we don’t often handle the disturbances with eloquence. Though we attempt to perfect this wondrous but oftentimes inconceivable balancing act with all that we call LIFE, we sometimes do not or cannot live up to even our own expectations.
I wrote this because one of my fellow authors is going through a bit of a rough spot. She’s feeling bad for missing out on a scheduled author activity. On top of her blossoming career, she is facing some newly discovered medical issues. Perfectly understandable, to step back, even if for just a day or two, to deal with something as important as one’s health. I, for one, understand more than I let on most of the time, as I am often far too busy to explain myself if I were inclined to do so or not. However, she is struggling to push back the guilt of missing this group activity.
Give me a break. Give her a break.
Choices, Obligations, Obsession, or Insanity…regardless of the reason, should we allow ourselves to embrace guilt over uncontrollable circumstances? Where do we, as authors, draw the line? I want to know, what do you do, when life gets in the way?
| Enjoy, |
| Bryl |
July 8th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Excellent question, Bryl. I know I’d like to say my family and personal life always come first, but sadly that isn’t always the case. Most of the time I try like the devil to be everything to everyone, but it usually just ends up making me feel guilty. Guilty for not spending enough time with my girls. Guilty for going bowling instead of working on a current ms. It seems to be a never ending balance.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:14 am
[Blog] When Life Gets in the Way…: I wanted to touch on a subject that, as writers, affects us all.
LIFE.
F… http://ping.fm/WlO3U
July 8th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Good question. I am a stay at home mom with three boys ages, 4,9, 12 as well as a husband who is a pilot and gone for weeks at a time. LIFE can get very hard at times and interfer with writing. I too get very, very frustrated and sometimes guilty. My family doesn’t understand that I need more than an hour or two to “work” but I’ve tried to balance activities. I’ll spend quality time with the boys and then arrange for play dates both here and away. Sometimes, an older cousin will spend a day with them thus giving me plenty of time to write.
But for events and such… I try to do only a certain number a month especially when hubby is gone. Yes, I feel guilty but when my health is bad (I have Lupus) I know I’d be worthless at an event, but when my boys are cuddled around me I feel loved rather than guilty.
Yes, it’s a never ending battle.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:54 am
I know it’s a question that many people, and not just authors, deal with every day. In my own life I know that getting older has made things much clearer and priorities become less of a challenge. Of course, getting older also brings on a less chaotic life. The children have grown up and moved out, there is no evil day job to contend with, and the hours my husband is at work are my own.
As a young woman with all the kids at home and a job, I remember burning the candle at both ends, not having enough hours in the day to do everything that needed done, and going for weeks and months with no more than an hour or two of sleep each night. While getting older takes me one step closer to the grave with each passing day, it has also lifted many of the burdens.
The best advice I can give is this: each chapter of your life will someday close and then open to a new chapter, so enjoy the one you’re in while you’re in it. Deadlines can be missed, the house doesn’t have to be cleaned everyday, the dishes don’t have to be washed right now, and it’s okay to feed the kids cereal for supper once in a while. You will wake up one day to find the kids are all gone and your time with them will seem like no more than a blink of the eye. Life is what you make of it, so live it one day at a time and enjoy those little moments as they come, because one day they will all be memories of when you were young.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Several years ago, as I lay in a hospital bed recovering from a pulmonary embolism and my first cancer surgery, I realized that I was on bonus time. If I was serious about being a writer, I’d better move writing up my list of my priorities.
Yes, life events disrupt my writing routine. Yes, my relationships take loving attention and energy. But I’ve learned to say no to the optional distractions – at least most of the time.
I’ve found that if I say no to the unnecessary ones, I have both time to write and time for my family. It strikes me it’s the small erosion that does the most damage to my writing. Learning to say no to them is hard, but everyone around me learns about my commitment to writing from my example.
July 8th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Some days it’s a tough balancing act, but I’ve come to the conclusion my health has to come first so I can keep doing everything I like to do, including writing. And yet when I step away from my computer to take a walk, I get withdrawal.
I have to avoid the “small erosions” Mr. Meeker referred to. They can quickly add up to a big one. I have a set amount of time to be on the Internet a day, and where I end up, like here, is where I end up. I just go with it. I meet a lot of people that way.
July 8th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Thank you all for taking time to comment on my post. My friend is a much better person than I’ll ever be. She seems to be back to her ‘cheery self’, brother. Were it me in a similar situation, I’d still be cursing whatever or whoever fouled up my plans!
You all are great. I appreciate your views.
~Bryl
July 10th, 2009 at 11:03 am
I know how it is. Trying to make changes to my life now as my health slowly deteriorates and it is a rough balancing act. I am going to have to start a schedule so I remember things like eating and exercise because I refuse to loose.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
I’ve been writing seriously with a goal since I was ten. As a child, and into my early adulthood, my writing was something that I had to force to the background because of the beliefs of others that it was “unnecessary” and a “waste of time.” I wasn’t allowed any peace and quiet – when my parents saw me with pencil and paper I was very nearly punished. Once I was out on my own, I vowed that nothing and no one would dictate my passion to me – I would decide when I wrote and for how long, etc.
Of course, reality smacked the crap outta me and that didn’t happen. I have, however, managed to arrange my life in such a way that my writing is a priority. I have all sorts of portable devices so that I can write anywhere. I don’t get involved in things that I don’t *need* to be directly involved in. I hired a maid, I make enough money in the day job to not have to worry about cooking (we eat out a lot), and I’ve scheduled the day job so that I can literally take one and a half days off during the week so that I can write. On those days that’s all I do. No appointments, no calls, no nothing. The rest of the time, I snatch moments when I can, and devote my time to work, family, etc.
One of the first things I told John when we first met was that I *need* to write. It’s not a hobby, it’s not a past time. It’s not something that I’m mildly interested in. It’s something that I *must* do, else you won’t like me very much. I guess he figured I was worth the “sacrifice.” LOL
July 11th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Life got in the way this week for me when I was ten pages to the end of my second rounds of edits and my husband told me I had to shut down. I had a half hour to get to my scheduled appointment for a hernia operation. He looked at me with understanding and told me to shut it down or he’ll yank my cord. I saved and shut down.
My husband helps me not extend myself too far. I’m really not aware of my limits and without him I’d be a basket case. He’s helped me say ‘no’, when I’ve wanted to say ‘yes’.
Like many authors, writing is a need and a release for me. But when life gets in the way, I will put it aside and say to myself, “Nope, didn’t get to it today. But I will get to it tomorrow no matter what!” Which is why I’m writing this the day after my surgery.
Not being a procrastinator helps. If I was one, this way of thinking wouldn’t work. Well, either that or I’m a workaholic. HHhhhmmm… maybe?
Becc